Talking in Live Theatre Performances is a Crime... or is it?

Hey, y'all.

I don't have a lot of pet peeves (okay, I do, but I'm not going to share most of them on this blog) but the one major one I can't stand is people who talk/Blackberry/text during a movie or play. What is wrong with you?? Are you that narcissistic that you have to talk all the time? Don't you know that if you're in a live theatre performance that the actors on stage - no matter how far away your crummy seats are - can hear you??

I know we can hear you, because every year I'm a part of the Lawyer Show, a charity fundraiser that benefits the performing arts in Vancouver. This year, I was the fairy 'Dandylion" in Shakespeare's Midsummer Nights' Dream as performed at the Waterfront Theatre. In 2008, I was a cigarette girl in the classic comedy "Once In a Lifetime". So yeah, I'm a pro. And you should shut up.

I was at a wonderful performance of the Royal City Musical Theatre's "A Chorus Line" - a musical I very much enjoy and a great performance of it - when the couple behind me began to talk. Loudly. They weren't older, nor did they misunderstand something. At one point, the woman said that she didn't think the "fat one" was right for the part of Maggie. Charming. The usher came over and shushed them but they continued to talk.

I started contemplating what I could ask the police to charge them with and considered these options:


1. Indecent Acts, s. 173: Nope. You have to expose your genitals, not your appalling lack of manners.

2. Disturbance, s. 175: Maybe. I was disturbed, all right. The section provides that "everyone who, not being in a dwelling house, causes a disturbance in or near a public place ... by fighting, shouting, screaming, swearing, singing or using insulting or obscene language ... is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction". The standard for Crown charge approval is a reasonable likelihood of conviction - I'm not sure this would meet that standard for charge approval - but it might be worth getting them hauled out of the theatre in handcuffs to teach them some manners!

3.Disturbing religious worship, s. 176(2): Damn. Even I can't argue for this section, even though I know all the words to "Wicked", "The Last Five Years", "In the Heights", "A Chorus Line", and every Rogers and Hammerstein musical.

4. Criminal Harrassment, s. 264: The section provides that "no person shall ... engage in conduct that causes another to fear for the safety or the safety of anyone known to them" - okay, so that's out, too. Although I did fear for the safety of the couple behind me.

I probably could have asked the ushers to kick them out. When you get right down to it, I was singing so loud along with the cast that I didn't even notice.

No, I didn't. I knew all the words, but that's not cool. I wouldn't do that, it's not mannerly. And besiders, it appears that I could be charged with causing a disturbance!